Time
by PunkPinkPower
Summary: Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.


_AN: So... this is one of the few stories I wrote that after letting it sit for a few days and reading it again, my only responce was "Why did I DO that?!" ... so, just a warning, that's probably going to be your reaction as well. Heh. Feed the author anyway?_

**Time**

Hospital waiting rooms are deathly quiet places. They have no permanent residents, and the art on their walls (if there is any) is loud and out of place. Bright against the crisp white walls, the abstract paintings and metal workings are supposed to distract people, cheer them up maybe.

But they don't work.

The tables are filled with old magazines, some so old that I can't even recognize the once famous headliners. It doesn't matter. My brain is so jumbled that I couldn't read anything if I tried.

The coffee they try to serve me here would make my husband sick. I slosh it around in the Styrofoam cup, never taking a sip. Because if I do he'll scold me and make me drink his premium blends when I get home before he'll kiss me, complaining that I taste like a cheap college student.

The nurses keep coming and going through those big swinging doors, dropping things off and picking them up and walking away. The head nurse is kicking back, watching the news, only tearing her eyes away to answer the phone.

And on the wall in front of me, in typical hospital waiting room fashion, is an old, warn, ticking clock.

Digital would be too easy, I decide as I stare at it. Better to make those waiting for their loved ones suffer.

Time is a funny thing. When I was a child, time could not move fast enough. As I grew up, I couldn't slow it down. I've watched my life change over time, guided by time. I've watched my children grow up and discover how time moves for themselves. Time is the one thing I can not control. Time is my friend, and time is my enemy.

And at a time like this, all I can do is watch the second hand tick around until it makes the minute hand move, and I'd swear they weren't moving at all.

I look away, swirling the coffee until it splashes out and onto the floor. My hands are shaking. Putting the cup down on the table beside me, I take one of the Kleenexes and place it over my spill.

I glance back at the clock on the wall. 13 seconds have passed in a moment that felt like an eternity to me. I'm not sure how much longer I can take the waiting.

I try to imagine what I'll say to him when he's done.

"What were you thinking?" Or maybe, "I'm so glad you're all right!"

A smirk spreads across my face at the same time my eyes tear up and I blink to keep from crying because there's no reason to cry yet. It's only been 1 hour, 27 minutes and 20 seconds since I got the call, and the surgery could go on for much, much longer.

That was the thing about hospital waiting rooms. They didn't make the waiting very easy to do.

I can't help but think back to that moment 1 hour, 27 minutes and 26 seconds ago, when I'd been at home, happy in my kitchen.

"_Yes, this is the Blue Bay Harbor County Hospital, and we're calling on behalf of Cameron Watanabe." _

_Freezing, I try to breathe to answer, but nothing comes out. _

"_A… Hunter Bradley is listed as his next of kin?" The droning voice goes on, and I nod even though she can't see me. _

"_Yes, that's me." I whisper, gripping the counter with my free hand. "I'm his husband."_

_There's silence from the other line, but the fear in my heart prevents me from being angry at being discriminated against. _

"_We have a documented civil partnership and a legally documented Advance Health Care Directive. You should have them on file right there. What's wrong? Is he okay?" My heart begins to beat faster, and it almost beats so loudly that I can't hear her response._

"_There's been an accident…"_

My eyes snap open, and I stand suddenly. Raking a hand through my hair, I know I can't sit here any longer. I head over to the head nurses desk, and I ring the bell obnoxiously.

She looks at me like I don't belong there, and I want to scowl at her for being so insensitive. Instead, I ask, "Is there any news on Cameron Watanabe, yet?"

She looks down at her computer screen, hits a key and then looks back up at me. "I'm sorry, he's still in surgery. The doctor will speak with you as soon as he's out."

Frowning, I rub my eyes tiredly.

The nurse seems concerned, and she asks, "Is there anyone I can call for you?"

I shake my head, having already done that in my attempt to kill the time. "No, they… they're on their way but… never mind."

I turn and head back to my seat. Sitting back down, I glance at the clock. No more than a minute has passed, and I curse under my breath.

The waiting is going to kill me.

Time goes by so fast when you're enjoying it. It seems like the last 20 years have been a blur. I can remember most of it, but I'm sure there are some things I've forgotten. He remembers everything, but my mind has never been a steal trap like his. I've been watching how I phrase things from the day I met him because on our first date he showed me that anything I said would probably come back to haunt me later.

This is it, right here. This is the place no one ever wants to be. Sitting in a hospital waiting room, knowing you might never see the most important person in your life again, and thinking about how much they mean to you. This is the place the lucky people get to avoid, and we've always been pretty lucky. Just not lucky enough.

Because god, the only person who has ever meant anything to me is lying in a bed down the hall, in critical condition, fighting for his life.

And it feels like time has completely stopped, and I'd give almost anything to speed the time up. Almost. But if this is the price I have to pay to have him back, I'll wait here for as long as it takes.

God… where did our time go?

He hadn't wanted to get married. I'd practically forced him into it. It wasn't that he didn't love me, he'd say, just that he didn't think marriage should be a political statement.

"I intend to spend the rest of my life with you, regardless of what one stupid little piece of paper says." He'd told me, kissing me and holding me close to avoid looking embarrassed.

But I'd kept at it. I wanted to marry him. I wanted there to be a ceremony, and I wanted to have pictures and I wanted everyone to know just how much I loved him. So we'd gotten married.

He'd never taken off his ring. Not once. As much as he'd complained about putting it on, he couldn't be persuaded to remove it, even for 1 hour to have it cleaned.

It feels like so long ago now. Our 20th anniversary is coming up in September. 20 years. And that's not even counting the years we dated.

I glance at the clock again. The ticking is louder, I think. But the time is standing still as I wait. 1 hour, 28 minutes and 4 seconds. God, I don't think I can take much more of this.

"Where's mommy?" I hear a little girl whisper a few seats down. Her father tells her something I can't make out, but the little girl doesn't look appeased. "I want mommy!"

The other driver was a woman. I'm not sure who caused the accident, or how it had become so bad so quickly. I'm not sure I want to know. The little girl cries, and I close my eyes distractedly.

It's a horrible idea, because all I can see is his face and that doesn't help at all right now. I open them to the sound of the doors opening, and I pray it's the doctor.

But no, it's not. Coming through the doors is someone I know very well, and I grin just a little bit. My daughter strides purposefully toward me, and I stand to greet her.

"Daddy." She hugs me tightly, and pulls away, giving me a concerned look. "Where's dad? Do we know anything yet?"

I shake my head. "He's still in surgery."

Someone else is coming up behind her, and I recognize Shawn and my granddaughter when they come into the light.

"Grampa!" Kairi shouts happily, and Shawn tries to shush her.

Liat, a full grown woman now, turns to her husband gently. "Maybe you'd better take Kairi home. I don't know how long it's going to be."

"Wanna stay with Grampa!" The 4 year old shouts. Liat places a finger on her lips to quiet her.

"We can stay," Shawn whispers back. "I'll take her home if she gets cranky."

I feel like I'm watching things in slow motion, and glancing at my beautiful full grown daughter, I can't help but remember the very first time I laid eyes on her.

"_We have several waiting lists for adoption," the supervisor told them. "There are the infant groups, the toddler groups, and then there are the harder to place kids." _

"_The 7 and up groups." I inferred, and she nodded. _

"_Sad, but true." She sighed. _

"_I was adopted when I was 7." I informed her smugly. _

"_Then you got lucky." She answered. _

_It was Cam who said, "Who do you have in your 'hard to place group' now?" _

_The woman looked between us skeptically. "You seem like nice people, but I don't think you know exactly what you'd be getting yourselves into." _

"_Trust me," I told her, grabbing for Cam's hand. "There isn't anything we can't handle." _

_She showed us to a room, and I felt guilty for looking through the children like they were merchandise. _

_She was at the end of the room, sitting on a bed, staring at the ground. Her black hair had fallen into her face and she looked utterly dejected. _

"_What's your name?" I had asked her, kneeling beside her bed. _

"_I don't want to be adopted." She answered stubbornly as she looked at me. "Try one of the other kids." _

_The term problem child referred very well to her. "Why don't you want to be adopted?" _

_She looked at me with pleading eyes. "Because they all want me to leave Mani, and I won't! I won't, I won't!" _

_I held up a hand to calm her, but it was Cam who asked next, "Whose Mani?" _

_The little girl pointed to a bracelet on her wrist. "My brother, Manisilat. They want to separate us because he is 6 and I am 8 but we won't, we won't, we won't!" _

_Sharing a look, we already knew what we wanted to do. "What if we didn't want to separate you from Mani?" I asked her. "What if we wanted you both?" _

_She looked between us, as though she was judging our reliability and I already knew I loved her. Right there, she'd won me over and I knew. _

"_My name is Liat." _

"Daddy?" Liat is looking at me now, no echo of the scared little girl I'd met that day left in her.

I look at the clock. 1 hour, 29 minutes. Time hasn't changed.

"Are you okay?" She wants to know. What a ridiculous question.

But I don't snap at her and break down or act strange. I just grin as she takes the seat next to mine and tell her, "I will be as soon as we know something."

She takes my hand, and holds onto it as we wait. Shawn, her husband of several years now, is reading something to Kairi, who has no idea what's going on. That's probably for the best.

The time keeps not moving, and my mind keeps drifting back to him. All the things we've done together. All these little moments. I wonder how we ever had any right to be so happy, knowing it's a stupid thought and unable to stop it. I wonder how nearly 25 years with him went by in the blink of an eye, and how 1 hour, 29 minutes and 20 seconds can be the longest moment of my life.

The double doors open again, and this time it's a doctor. My heart begins to beat so fast that I feel like it's going to beat right out of my chest, and I grip Liat's hand as he approaches us. She stands, but I can't bring my legs to work.

The silence lasts a lifetime and finally, the doctor looks down at me.

"I'm sorry. We did all we could. He didn't make it."

My eyes begin to tear, and I look at the clock.

I want my time back.


End file.
